Nick, a marine, is about to leave for active duty in Iraq. He has some parting advice for his younger brother Travis.

(Warning: Using this scene without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)

NICK: You got a girl?

TRAVIS: No.

NICK: Why not?

TRAVIS: I haven't met the right one yet.

(Nick laughs.)

NICK: Yeah, whatever. "I haven't met the right one yet." Are you like quoting some stupid movie or something? Oh I'm waiting for true love. Have you ever had a girlfriend?

TRAVIS: Yes.

NICK: Liar.

TRAVIS: I'm not.

NICK: What was her name?

TRAVIS: Jessica.

NICK: You just made that up.

TRAVIS: No I didn't.

NICK: What was her last name?

TRAVIS: Walker.

NICK: What's her phone number?

(Nick takes out his cell phone.)

What's her phone number?

TRAVIS: She doesn't have a phone.

NICK: Is she like homeless or something? Did you go out with a homeless girl? Man, that's sad, was she liked passed out the whole time? Gimme the number.

TRAVIS: No.

NICK: You're such a liar. Look—let me give you some advice—you find a girl, it doesn't matter which one, any one, and buy some dinner or whatever—like Olive Garden, take 'em someplace nice—

TRAVIS: Is that what you had to do?

NICK: No but I'm better looking than you. Girls bought me dinner.

TRAVIS: They did not.

NICK: Ashley...I don't even remember her last name—remember Ashley?

TRAVIS: The chick with all the acne?

NICK: It cleared up. She bought me dinner.

TRAVIS: She was just grateful cause she had such bad skin.

NICK: No. No—she was hot. All right forget Ashley—Tara, remember her? Tara was hot—and she bought me dinner—and then we made sweet, sweet—

TRAVIS: Great.

NICK: You know why? Check this out. (He flexes again:) Oh! Look at it. It's beautiful. You gotta go to the gym or something. What do you weigh? One thirty?

TRAVIS: No.

NICK: What do you bench?

TRAVIS: I don't know. One fifty.

NICK: Yeah right. Let me go get my weights—I wanna see this. I'm gonna put one fifty on the rack and I'm gonna watch you try it and we'll see what happens.

TRAVIS: All right, maybe less than that.

NICK: Maybe less. Maybe. Huh. Man you are such a wuss. I'm so ashamed that I'm related to you. You're like this ghost that warns me of what I could've been if I sucked a lot more.

TRAVIS: Shut up.

NICK: You embarrass me, man. What are you gonna do when I'm gone?

TRAVIS: Sleep better.

NICK: You sleep like twenty hours a day as it is.

TRAVIS: No I don't.

NICK: What do you got to be tired from, it's not like you actually do anything. Sit around—come home from school—play video games—eat—pee—play more video games—you don't have any friends, you don't have a girl, you're sad, man. You're pathetic. I'm glad I'm not you. You know what—when I come back—when I get home—you better not be this worthless piece of crap that I see right now—you know what I'm saying? Get out there. Talk to people. Go to the gym or something. I mean, if you're the future of America, it's pretty sad, you know? You are pretty sad.

TRAVIS: Sorry, I guess my life goal to please you hasn't been achieved.

NICK: That's right, make jokes. What do you think about that, huh? What do you think about the fact that you suck? (He waits for a response:) You haven't been thinking about that? Man, if I were you, that's all I'd think about.

TRAVIS: Have fun in Iraq.

NICK: I will. And when I get home—

TRAVIS: Yeah I know.

NICK: I'm serious, Travis.

TRAVIS: I hear Baghdad is nice this time of year.

NICK: It's gonna be nice when I'm through with it. Let me tell you something about the American army, all right, wimp? You know what these guys do to try and kill us? They can't actually show up, right? They can't actually say hey let's actually duke it out like men. No these guys are vermin. They put tiny little bombs on the side of the road, aimed to blow up underneath a hummer, where it's weak. And they put all kinds of stuff in there, nails, glass, anything, so that it will send as much crap flying as possible. And then they run away and they blend back in with the rest of the people: You know what that makes them? Wusses. Makes me wanna puke. Doesn't matter though, cause we're gonna exterminate 'em. Make the world safe for Starbucks.

(Pause.)

TRAVIS: Hey um...don't get blown up.

NICK: I'm not gonna get blown up, man, they're gonna get blown up.

TRAVIS: Right.

NICK: Yeah, well, keep an eye on things around here, and stop being such a wuss. It's not good for ya. And it wouldn't hurt to get yourself a girl. That's an order, mister.

TRAVIS: Uh huh.

NICK: Bye.

TRAVIS: Bye.