College student Artie knocks on the door of fellow student Jessica's dorm room. Jessica is roommate and longtime friend to Erin, a student with Hyperthymesia.

(Warning: Using this scene without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)

ARTIE: This is the ambassador of Micronation Q7O13Z. Open up, or I'll be forced to raise my voice incrementally until you do. (Beat. Then, slightly louder:) This is the ambassador of Micronation Q7O13Z. Open up, or I'll be forced to raise my voice incrementally—

(Jessica opens the door.)

JESSICA: Artie!

ARTIE: Surprised to see me?

JESSICA: You're the ambassador?

ARTIE: Indeed. Now, shall we commence with the diplomatic meeting?

JESSICA: Don't you want to catch up first? It's been a while.

ARTIE: Very well. How have you been?

JESSICA: Well—

ARTIE: Splendid. According to Article 5, Section H of the International Micronation Law, no other micronation shall occupy the same territory as another. Any nation that fails to comply will be conquered and considered territory of the original one.

JESSICA: Look, Artie. Erica is our—I mean, Erica is my micronation. I'm not just going to hand it over to you.

ARTIE: Then you leave me no choice.

(He dramatically pulls out an extremely tiny sword.)

JESSICA: First of all, what is that? Second of all, I thought we were friends!

ARTIE: (Obviously:) First of all, it's a micro-sword. Second of all, we haven't been friends since the day you cleft my heart in twain!

JESSICA: What are you talking about?

ARTIE: Perhaps your mind, so absorbed in its own vile convolution, allows no room for such a torturous memory as when you turned me down to the winter gala!

JESSICA: This is all because I turned you down to the dance?

ARTIE: You took away my dignity. Now I'm going to take away something you care about!

(Jessica grabs her wet towel.)

JESSICA: Not if I have anything to say about it!

(Jessica and Artie fence using the wet towel and the tiny sword, respectively. Jessica hits the sword out of Artie's hand and starts whipping him with the wet towel. Artie falls to the ground.)

ARTIE: Ow! Détente! Détente!

(Jessica stops hitting him.)

JESSICA: Let me get this straight: you contacted the other micronation on campus, asked them if you could join, applied to become the ambassador, and got permission to hold an official diplomatic meeting in this room, just so you could get revenge on me for not going to the dance with you?

ARTIE: A little bit.

JESSICA: Could you be any more petty?

ARTIE: Petty? You were ready to fight me just so you wouldn't have to give up the stupid safe space you made up when you were a kid! (Beat.) I read your scrapbook.

(Beat.)

JESSICA: You win.

ARTIE: I do? But—

JESSICA: You're right. It is a stupid safe space. Erin and I need to live in the real world now.

(Artie looks at her.)

What?

ARTIE: I thought this would be more satisfying.

JESSICA: Sorry.

ARTIE: It's not your fault.

JESSICA: Yeah, it's pretty clearly your fault.

ARTIE: No, it's not my fault either. I guess what I'm trying to say is...we found micronations not because we're trying to delude ourselves into some false reality. We do it because it offers a circumstance where we can be in control of something. Of anything. But ultimately, a micronation is just refuge from the unpredictability of life. (Beat.) Or something.

(Beat. Artie slumps a little, feeling sorry for himself. Jessica smiles.)

JESSICA: What the hell. Do you want to get coffee with me sometime?

ARTIE: WHAT? (Then:) I mean, um, make it in neutral territory, and you've got yourself a deal.