Susan

from The Exceptional Childhood Center by Dylan Schifrin

Genre: Comedy

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Preschooler Susan fears her elite preschool may not be teaching her all she need to know to succeed. (Monologue has been created from dialogue with intervening lines removed.)

 

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SUSAN

I don't want to "eventually" learn higher numbers, I want to learn them now! I should have already learned them! I should already know all the things that I don't know! How else am I supposed to stay at the top of the class?

 

I keep stumbling across things I could have easily learned in the past. This book is full of them!

(Looking through the Teacher's Edition book:)

"I" before "E," except after "C"? Did you know there's something called "division"? When were we going to learn all this? It's a conspiracy! They are selectively keeping valuable knowledge from us! Our education is just a series of smaller and smaller lies!

(Growing rage:)

Oh, sure. People like you are doing just fine. But what about people like me, the actual future of society? If I don't learn numbers above 20 now then I won't get into a good elementary school and then I won't get into a good middle school and then I won't get into a good high school and then I won't get into a good college and then I'll spend the rest of my life as a convenience store clerk barely scraping by on minimum wage! This isn't right! This isn't fair!