La Linda

from Linda by Diana Burbano

Genre: Comedy, Drama, Dramedy

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La Linda recalls a childhood experience that made her feel like a superhero.

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)


LA LINDA

When I was really little I used to confuse La Ronstadt with Wonder Woman. La Mujer Maravilla. She was a Lynda, too.

Lynda Carter! With a Y instead of an I, for fancies. You know, I never missed one minute of that TV show. Not one.

La Wonder Woman gave me hope. Once, in the second grade, I got knocked down by this boy in my class. He'd pull my braids and sit on me like I was a pony. The teachers never did anything. When the bell rang, he whispered "wetback" in my ear. I knew what it meant. At seven years old, it wasn't the first time I'd heard that word.

When I got home that day, I asked my Abuelita what Wonder Woman's golden lasso of truth was made of, and she said she had some of the material in her sewing kit!

I took my lasso to school. I tried to rope the boy, but I ended up whipping him hard in the face with the end of the rope. He told on me to the playground lady. She looked at me all stern at first, and then she smiled! She said, "Good for you, mija. Don't let no boy treat you like crap."

I wanted to be Linda. (Pronounced Lih-n-da.) Linda! (Pronounced Lee-n-da.) and fierce.

Linda means sexy, tough and in command, not just pretty. Pretty is boring. I bought myself gold Wonder Woman bracelets. At least I thought they were gold until they left big welts on my wrists. That was OK, tho'. I liked the scars. They made me feel tuff, like las Lindas.

(Sings the theme to Wonder Woman a la "Blue Bayou.")

"WONDER WOMAN... WHERE THE WORLD IS MINE, WHERE I'M FIGHTING CRIME, ON THE BLUEEEE BAY-OUOOOO!"